Sunday we shared how God gave Paul a Vision of a man crying out for help. This week's Share Question is- What are the things that God is laying on your mind and your heart?
If I'm completely honest talking about missions so much the past few weeks, having the missions banquet, a missionary visit, and then this past Sunday talking about following the vision God gives you has broken my heart a little. It hurts to think just a few years back I was so passionate about missions, on the edge of my seat ready to go. Some people know this, but I it was my freshman year of college when I first felt called to be a missionary and probably my Sophomore year of college when God gave me a vision of going to Cambodia. My vision and the calling over my life were confirmed regularly in college. I had repeated dreams and visions about the working with children and teenage girls in foreign countries and had many words spoken over my life by many people. Now just a few years later I can look back and see how much of that I have lost. It almost seems like an impossibility to go, to follow the one thing that my heart beats and longs for. Recently I was able to talk to one of our missionaries from Cambodia, Larissa, and she was telling me of a project they are doing there with children and young ladies trying to pull them out of prostitution- to put an end to sex trafficking. She told me they could definitely use me for at least a year or more if I wanted to stay. Everything in me just wanted to drop everything I have and am right now and go with her. Granted she is here in the states so she wouldn't want me to come until around January 2011... but it made me realize that that desire and passion is still in there just as real as it was the first night I felt called. But I've allowed circumstances and life to drown it out. Finances are the main issue in going- the AG really doesn't like people to go out when they have debt (which I have from going to a 4 year AG bible college). Obstacles and circumstances always seem to stand in the way. But this time I think I will try to step out a little more in faith, to sign up as a MAPS volunteer and see if I can go for 11 months and allow God to open doors as He chooses. To not worry about my obligations and finances, but to trust that if God has given me this vision and this burden that He will provide the way. That He will use me as He wishes and chooses despite the circumstances around or the road blocks that I see. And maybe it will look different than I thought... maybe it won't be full time ministry as I envisioned, but I know I have to try. I have to follow what God put inside me. The passion that has been burning for so long... I can't let it die.
And for now I know that I need to be content in the here and the now. Allowing God to use me here. He is showing me the missions field around me as well. To see the children I work with every day as a missions field- it's an opportunity to shine for Jesus amongst the darkness. Even though I can't speak his name in school, I can love on those children and God will open the doors. Also, to look at the youth here in this neighborhood as a missions field- they need Jesus too! We have a lot of hurting, struggling people right here in this community who are longing for answers. If we don’t take time out of our schedule to pour into them, spend time with them, and show them the love of our Savior, who will? The next generation needs Jesus, if we aren’t examples to them now, who will lead our church later?
Sorry, I know that's a lot... but that is what God has been putting on my heart.
If I'm completely honest talking about missions so much the past few weeks, having the missions banquet, a missionary visit, and then this past Sunday talking about following the vision God gives you has broken my heart a little. It hurts to think just a few years back I was so passionate about missions, on the edge of my seat ready to go. Some people know this, but I it was my freshman year of college when I first felt called to be a missionary and probably my Sophomore year of college when God gave me a vision of going to Cambodia. My vision and the calling over my life were confirmed regularly in college. I had repeated dreams and visions about the working with children and teenage girls in foreign countries and had many words spoken over my life by many people. Now just a few years later I can look back and see how much of that I have lost. It almost seems like an impossibility to go, to follow the one thing that my heart beats and longs for. Recently I was able to talk to one of our missionaries from Cambodia, Larissa, and she was telling me of a project they are doing there with children and young ladies trying to pull them out of prostitution- to put an end to sex trafficking. She told me they could definitely use me for at least a year or more if I wanted to stay. Everything in me just wanted to drop everything I have and am right now and go with her. Granted she is here in the states so she wouldn't want me to come until around January 2011... but it made me realize that that desire and passion is still in there just as real as it was the first night I felt called. But I've allowed circumstances and life to drown it out. Finances are the main issue in going- the AG really doesn't like people to go out when they have debt (which I have from going to a 4 year AG bible college). Obstacles and circumstances always seem to stand in the way. But this time I think I will try to step out a little more in faith, to sign up as a MAPS volunteer and see if I can go for 11 months and allow God to open doors as He chooses. To not worry about my obligations and finances, but to trust that if God has given me this vision and this burden that He will provide the way. That He will use me as He wishes and chooses despite the circumstances around or the road blocks that I see. And maybe it will look different than I thought... maybe it won't be full time ministry as I envisioned, but I know I have to try. I have to follow what God put inside me. The passion that has been burning for so long... I can't let it die.
ReplyDeleteAnd for now I know that I need to be content in the here and the now. Allowing God to use me here. He is showing me the missions field around me as well. To see the children I work with every day as a missions field- it's an opportunity to shine for Jesus amongst the darkness. Even though I can't speak his name in school, I can love on those children and God will open the doors. Also, to look at the youth here in this neighborhood as a missions field- they need Jesus too! We have a lot of hurting, struggling people right here in this community who are longing for answers. If we don’t take time out of our schedule to pour into them, spend time with them, and show them the love of our Savior, who will? The next generation needs Jesus, if we aren’t examples to them now, who will lead our church later?
Sorry, I know that's a lot... but that is what God has been putting on my heart.